Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
