I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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