batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
