True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Randomize
