Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize