Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
