ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
