Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
