On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
