I can text with my tongue
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
