who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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