Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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