Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
