1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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