I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
