It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
