I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
another moral hangover. fuck.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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