we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
