I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
