my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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