Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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