I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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