Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
