i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize