I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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