You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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