Soap is not a condiment
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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