you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
