I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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