you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
