This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
