Christians are straight up FREAKS
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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