Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
