i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Little spoons don't ask big questions
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
