Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize