You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
