Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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