yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I cannot find my penis.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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