You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
