I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
