dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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