I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
