She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
