My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
