I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
