Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
