Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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