i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize