i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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