I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
