i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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