that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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