There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
