remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
