Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize