Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
