she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
