No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
