Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize