Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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