I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
