I could make wine with my vomit
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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