the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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