I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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