I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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