soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize