you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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