I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I cut my penus on the lid.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize