my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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