You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
