Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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