i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
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