Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
