dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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