Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
