We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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