We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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