When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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