All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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