im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
