I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
do herpes really smell.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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