So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Vodka?
Forever.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
