I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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