I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
