Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
