Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
