I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
