One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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