i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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