someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
