i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
