We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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