I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
