It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
