If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Shame is for Republicans.
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