At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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