i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
