Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
