I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
