I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
