I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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