well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
