i was born a porn star she said
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Im just a social blackout drinker.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
