Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
