Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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