i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
