Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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