My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
